


you come by it honestly

by meowcosm



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Family Issues, Gen, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22933666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowcosm/pseuds/meowcosm
Summary: You were born broken, that's your birthright.-After the war, Gilbert and Annette talk about secrets.
Relationships: Hanneman von Essar/Gilbert Pronislav, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	you come by it honestly

The cathedral stands empty, stands alone, on one of the first post-war mornings in Garreg Mach, all aside from a lone man at its far end. Pacing across the floor, harried at being requested at such an early hour, Annette moves towards the lone figure. Recognizable by the long, greying tresses of ginger hair- the man she once knew as Gustave, now knew as Gilbert. Who she had always known as father. It hadn’t been clear for what purpose he’d requested her presence, but she had learned well by this point that the few times he summoned her were the few times he felt able to express himself, and therefore the only ones which brought them closer to reconciliation. Trying to slow herself as she approaches, she takes her place by his side, blocked from his front by the great ornaments of the building.

Without warning, or introduction, Gilbert begins to speak.

"There is something else. Something I could not write in those letters." Gilbert feels his breath catch on the words, his throat filling with hesitation, but he pushes it down. _He owes Annette honesty_. "I apologize for its exclusion. To be frank with you, it has only recently stopped eluding myself." He sighs. "I offer it not as an apology. It is solely a part of my penance."

"Then please," Annette says, "say it! Say it to me."

A shudder works its way down Gilbert's spine.

"...Of course. But before I do, understand that you should not forgive me for this.”

Silence. Gilbert takes another deep breath.

"I possess within me a great deviance. One which has remained long-buried. One that- one that perverts my desire for companionship." Even in such chaste terms, saying such words makes Gilbert's face heat and his hands shake incessantly. He fixes his eyes on the distant, resolute in avoiding Annette's gaze.

"I don't understand." Annette's voice is quiet, and her eyes are on Gilbert's hands.

"...It is difficult to articulate. I cannot find my words-"

All of a sudden, Gilbert feels a warmth intertwining with the perpetual cold of his own hands. Smaller, gentler fingers pressing against his own. Keeping them steady. Stopping them from their endless fumbling.

"The Goddess"- he nearly chokes on the sacred name- "has. Has given me an attraction. To others- Others of the same sex." Something compels Gilbert to laugh at the absurdity of acknowledging it out loud, and he does, a melancholy gasp bursting from his stomach. "One that replaces what was intended."

Annette grips tighter, and lifts her head to try and catch his gaze as it blinks in and out.

"You must detest it," he says, resignation tinting his voice, "this ugliness inside of me. If it is at all comforting to you, then our opinions are much the same."

Nothing echoes in the halls of the empty cathedral, but Annette feels a tear prick from the corner of her eye, has to restrain herself from yelling.

"I love you, and your mother, more than I can express. But it has never- I have never- been right. Been good. After my failures, it became clear to me that I could do nothing but degrade the two of you by remaining." Gilbert drops his head, faces the floor. “My body holds the Goddess in contempt. I am sure it is returned. Even now, to invoke her name, to be here-“

The sharp jab of a fingernail into Gilbert’s palm makes him startle, makes him wince.

“I will hear not another word of this, father.” Annette’s voice rings out, anguished.

“You should not call me that- it is not-“ Gilbert stutters, before Annette cuts him off once more.

“Father. Father, oh father, are you so convinced of this graveness that you must punish yourself for it?”

Gilbert nods, but says nothing. Annette withdraws her hand from his, and without proclamation, conjures a flickering light between the tips of her fingers. It’s warm, and bright, and Gilbert can’t help but feel enraptured, even for only a second or two. The light of the Goddess, made manifest through faith magic, faltering not.

“See this, father.” Gilbert flinches, but looks over at her, feeling much the same as he did the first time they met at the monastery. The strangeness of feeling divest of the title, only to be called it once more. “The Goddess.”

A little smile worms its way onto Gilbert’s face as he looks at it. Looks at her, his daughter. How proud-

The light is suddenly much closer, almost pressed up to his face. Annette exclaims, proudly- “See? It does not flee from you.”

And Gilbert almost hesitates there, before the perpetual frown returns. “It is your magic. Not my own. Perhaps the reason that I could never grasp the casting myself is because the Goddess sees me too well-“

“Then tell me, father” Annette interjects, voice on the verge of cracking, “why the Goddess allows me to cast this still, after I kissed Lysithea last night. A-after I told her I loved her. And not for the first time, either.”

That, of all things, seems to shock Gilbert, to freeze him in place. His eyes growing wide, the air between them remains empty.

“There is nothing wrong with me.” An assertiveness arises in Annette’s voice, once more returning Gilbert’s pride, even as he stands in silence. “I-it took me a while to grasp this, too. But I did! And I did, because I wanted to- I wanted to do my best to learn, and to be happy.” A deep breath exits Annette’s throat, becoming frosted against the cold air. “And there is nothing wrong with you, except the things you have chose to do to others, that you do to yourself, even now!”

“I… Annette. I would not have said such abrasive things if I had known that they would inflict such pain on you.”

“Cause me no pain, then,” and Annette disperses the light “and listen to me. You are not responsible for what you blame yourself for. Not this, and not the Tragedy.”

Compliant, Gilbert nods.

“Can you say it for me, father?”

“Say what-“

“I am not responsible for the Tragedy of Duscur.”

And oh, how he hates it, how he wants it- to free himself of that, to say it out loud.

“…I hold no responsibility for the Tragedy of Duscur.”

Annette nods, and Gilbert is thankful she doesn’t point out his misquotation, because he’s not sure if he can stomach saying it once more.

“I am attracted to other men, and that is okay.”

Does she want him to say that, too?

“Please, Annette. I cannot-“

“But you have said as much already. And I am telling you- it is okay.”

A deep breath. In, out, in, out. Gilbert’s hands tremble again.

“I am attracted to other men. And it is acceptable.” Another shudder slinks its way down his back. Annette gives him a defiant look, but holds his hand once more, keeping it still.

“And you will do your best to repair things between you and mother, even if it is not the same.”

This, Gilbert feels he can say. “I will ensure all of my transgressions are compensated for- no matter how long it takes.”

“Good.” Her grip gets tighter, and Gilbert brings himself around to face Annette, meeting her gaze securely. He shakes at the sight of the fondness in it, having expected to see nothing but hate from this day onwards.

“Now we’ve discussed this,” she begins, “is there anyone in particular you’re interested in?”

“Annette- I cannot, that is-“ Gilbert exclaims, flustered, “a little too much.” But it reminds him of sometime long ago, when Annette would pester him with questions about subjects he had no understanding of, like animals from far-off lands and the movement of the stars in the sky, and for that it is not entirely unwelcomed.

“I already told you that I like Lysithea, so you should be fair with me and tell me.” She pauses for a moment, before an impish grin wicks itself across her features. “It’s not Hanneman, is it?”

And at that, Gilbert flushes, and looks into the far opposite distance.

“Aha! I’ve seen you walking around with him. You’re lucky I’m on good terms with him, too.”

Though Gilbert says nothing, only reaches up to adjust the fastenings of his hair, some small part of him feels at home.

**Author's Note:**

> so, you might be wondering why i wrote this.  
> well, first things first, the hanneman/gilbert supports are weirdly endearing, and if you don't believe me go check them out. they're very intimate, somewhat flirtatious, and a nice break from the high school drama endemic to fe3h.   
> second of all, though i'm sympathetic to the lukewarm-at-best treatment gilbert has gotten from the wider fandom, as someone who's struggled with often violent internalized homophobia and ableism throughout my life, i did find the way he spoke about himself and his guilt to resonate with what it feels like to struggle deeply with your self-worth. i don't think reading him as deeply closeted is an intended reaction, nor does him feeling bad about what he's done excuse him, but i would like for him to be able to reconcile himself with his faith and annette (who he really does care for) so he can actually make progress in correcting what's happened.   
> also, i'm really soft for family content, and acknowledging older lgbtq+ people is important.
> 
> find me @millimallow on twitter or @scribemallow on tumblr, thank you for reading- if you enjoyed, please feel free to leave a comment or a kudos!


End file.
